everything in moderation

The past few weeks have gone by... oddly.
I think my break was almost too long.
There was so little time spent worrying about school and classes that it irked me.
It has been a great break,
although it was a bit depressing to be the one to see everyone leave.
It is a completely different feeling to be the one departing while everyone watches you go compared to being the one that stands there watching everyone leave as you stay.
I think being the one that is leaving is better than watching someone leave.
When you're the one leaving,
you have a sense of something new or exciting,
while when you're the one staying,
you're losing someone and what you had before becomes duller.

I've been thinking more and more about next semester, and I can't help but feel incredibly scared/sad/excited about it.
I'm living with a great and close group of guys,
but I'm leaving a lot of things behind in Michigan.
I think that is one thing that worries me.
I become very dependent and I have a habit of attaching myself to the people around me,
which bites me in the butt whenever I move somewhere.

I think my biggest fears stem from my insecurities.
I'm afraid that the ones I love and miss the most do not return the feelings.
I'm afraid that I'll send letters, write emails, etc,
and they won't write me back because they're too caught up enjoying themselves where ever they are and forget about me.
I guess I have a huge fear of neglect.
Which is odd because I think most people see me as a more independent and self sufficient kind of guy.
I miss Weedle and Annette.
I had such a great time with them.
I wish Kirsten and Matt would reply sooner because I'm beginning to think they've already forgotten about me... even though I know they haven't.
I just really miss them.

I think that the majority of my posts are depressing or sad,
but I think this is a result of me wanting to write at times when I am depressed or sad.
I think I should start writing some happier things from now on,
it's not like I'm a really depressed or sad person,
it's just that most of the times I decide to talk to write about my feelings are the times where I'm not feeling so ecstatic about life.
Which is horrible.
Because one of the biggest problems in people today is that they like to remember the worst times in their lives than the best.

It was really nice seeing my old friends all congregated in my home yesterday.
I felt really at home,
but it was also strange thinking to myself that the people I normally hang out with a lot in Michigan won't be here in Albuquerque.

I've been feeling really weird as of late.
I don't know what it is.
Like shortness of breath,
and I keep feeling really nostalgic and depressed about absolutely nothing at all.
Maybe it's because I've been thinking too much about next year,
rather than what's happening now.
Which is funny because that is the exact opposite of what was happening last year--
to a point where it was becoming detrimental.

I've been thinking about way too many things way too late at night.
I'm really excited to go back to Michigan on Monday,
but I am not in anyway ready and packed to go just yet.
I don't even know what I'm taking back up there with me at this point (besides my clothes).

It's late,
I'm going to bed.
Hasta Luego.

mag.