wikipedia is my hero

One of my biggest character flaws (or vices) is my inability to finish what I started in the long run.
Whenever I start something that I intend to eventually finish over an extended period of time, I always come up with excuses that are detrimental to accomplishing the goal.

Maybe when I'm older I'll understand this.
or
I'm really too young to attempt to understand this.
or
This is too complicated to accomplish, I should let it sit until I can finally finish it.

For example,
I've been working on three fiction pieces since the end of the summer,
and whenever I read through whatever I've written,
I always end up trashing the whole thing,
or I look back at it and hate it.
I've been trying to come up with ways to make myself write efficiently,
whether if it is music or creative writing,
but I cannot ever find the motivation to finish what I've started.

It bothers me to no end,
and even though it bothers me and screeches insecurities in my brain,
I can never find the drive to finish.

On another subject...
Christmas break is going by decently.
It was nice to see Tim, and reconnect with old friends,
but it was also depressing knowing that while I was here in New Mexico reconnecting,
I was leaving friends in Michigan behind.
Everyone is coincidentally going abroad the same semester I will be attending for the last time.
It saddens me.
I feel like there was no point in making any good friends at Calvin because I don't think I'll ever see them again unless they make an effort to come to New Mexico to see me (or vice versa).

These are amazing people.

These are the types of friends that I would love to stay in touch with forever,
but I know that the path we are all taking are going in different directions.
Kirsten, Kristin, Liz, Matt, and Nard are all people that I'm happy to have become so close with,
yet I find myself wishing I hadn't.
Because that would make saying goodbye so much easier.

There has been copious amounts of snow accumulating on my land as of today.
I love it, and I hate it.
I hate it because it makes getting into town so much more difficult--it's hard enough driving twenty minutes into town only to find out that there is nothing to do.
I love it because it's beautiful.
The snow was whiter than the sky.
The clouds were like fluffy cotton blankets that stretched across the sky in off white sheets.
There was so much snow that I was not able to tell whether the ground was the sky, or the sky was the ground. I was only able to distinguish between the two by looking far ahead of me and staring off into the horizon where the glowing white snow hit a brick wall of light grey sky.
The trees by the roads were covered in snow, and I was only able to see blotches of forest green that appeared to be floating in the air because the trees were so wonderfully covered.

A lot of people tell me, "snow is snow," but I think that's bull.
New Mexican snow is so much more different from Michigan snow.
New Mexican snow is pure and white and it falls to the ground like it is pictured in movies.
Michigan snow falls to the ground like dead locusts that froze to death while flying through the polluted clouds of Grand Rapids.
I sound like I despise Grand Rapids--Which I don't!
I love Grand Rapids.
It's a wonderful city.

My mind is stalling like a manual transmission being driven by a student driver.
I can hear the instructor shouting tips and commands to push the clutch in before shifting gears.

Now I'm forcing it.
Darn.

Happy New Years.
Even though it is arbitrary.

mag